you're the bee's knees but so am I.

thousands of little drops filled with chaotic serendipities.

maggy and milly and molly and may went down to the beach(to play one day) and maggie discovered a shell that sang so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and milly befriended a stranded star whose rays five languid fingers were; and molly was chased by a horrible thing which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and may came home with a smooth round stone as small as a world and as large as alone. For whatever we lose(like a you or a me) its always ourselves we find in the sea E. E. Cummings

You speak your fears, thinking in circles and checking what mirrors don't see.
You live your life like a page from the book of my fantasy.

I still don't understand what it means to be a friend to you and I was hoping someone would agree but I have to keep pretending I don't mind because there's nothing further over there.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          dead leaf drifting around.

"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it."

If you're going then go, go and leave me behind.

I know you won't be happy here but remember the times when you said you were clean.

Clean of insecurities, nightmares and all sorts of prayers.

Leave and let me be,

for I shall not seek what I couldn't find in dreams.

mouth to feed, minds to read and hearts that bleed.

She was just looking for him, for so long and she couldn't find him because he just wasn't there. He wasn't there and she wanted for him to be there so much and he didn't care because he had moved on. She had moved on as well but she didn't really mind seeing him whenever he was available because she loved him deeply, something he couldn't see. He was immersed in the fake life he wanted to live, the life he had chosen and that might look satisfying but never had been and could never have been.

She left her, for so many years and she still loved him, how could it be? Such love, that lasted for so long couldn't be real. Not a love story, not any kind of story has ever portrayed such kind of love in ages but she longed for him to be by her side and she didn't mind for him to be so far away since, he had always been that far: geographically and emotionally.

One day, a summer morning, he called her. She was ecstatic and she was wondering why he was here for. He told her he was there because of his heart and that he had a doctor's appointment. She hoped it was nothing serious and he assured her, it wasn't.

He called her and asked her if she could meet him for lunch, she did not hesitated and immediately said yes. They had lunch and she felt so happy about being sad about the past he had shortened. She said that she wanted to see him whenever he was free from his tiresome life and she asked if she could call him from time to time. He said she'd call her and that if he hadn't called her within the next fifteen days, that she should call her. She knew what that was about: "He might forget" she thought and that's okay, I know he will, like he always had.

He started toying around with the little plastic dolphin she had on her bag and he looked like a little kid, she said: "This is the only kind of Dolphin I will ever have". He started laughing and he wondered if she had always been like that. "That, you will never know" she thought.

They said their goodbyes and she went back to the life she had chosen for herself. Might not be so proud of it but she'll still have those summer nights in the cafe knowing that he man that was with her knew nothing about her and that comforted her in a way that surprised her so much she was barely breathing.

I asked her: "Mum, what is his name? I've never asked, because I was too scared." She kindly said: "There's nothing to be afraid of.  He's just a man from my past that will never be in my future. His name is Victoriano Delfín." 

As I sat there, listening to what she was saying, I wondered who that man was and how important he was for her, little did I know is that she wanted for him to be the most important man in her life but he just didn't wanted to be and that she had loved him for a very long time but he was too scared of that love, he just couldn't bear it. 

And you will only hold me
if I will never tell you it would end

and you will never have me

cause you were only wanting to be friends

and you will always hold out till he gave out.

Remembering when dreams weren't unsafe, when you listened when no one was talking.

Whenever I walked away from reality just to see you there.

you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.you can't fix it if it isn't broken.

A menudo me pregunto si ese estado en el que estaba tuvo algo que ver o simplemente lo hizo para que me diera cuenta de que a pesar de que quizás yo no sea nada parecida a toda la gente que conoce, le encanta estar conmigo aunque sea muy poco tiempo.

No creo ser diferente, al contrario, soy igual que los demás  Consumo lo que los demás consumen, escucho lo que los demás escuchan, veo lo que los demás ven. Me pregunto si se refiere a como veo las cosas, me pregunto si es porque no veo el mundo de la misma manera.

Es como Neruda: "Quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos". 

No porque no dijera lo que la primavera hacía con los cerezos quería decir que no daba a entender lo que él quería decir. Trato de hacerme entender pero no sé si haya mucha gente cerca que pueda interpretarlo como se debe.

will someone come and save my life

i'm caught under the weight of all this talk on life,

i want a pretty little life.

will someone pull me out tonight

i'm stuck inside the walls of all this sin and strife,

i want a pretty little life.

"Eternity. No, that’s just the sea.. and the sun." 

¿Como algo puede hacerte sentir tan feliz en unos momentos y después darte cuenta de que nunca fue real?

Se siente como si se tuviera que reemplazar por algo pero después no puedes contenerte y necesitas tenerlo de nuevo o sí no, te sientes incompleto. Y cuando llegas a tenerlo de vuelta, te aburre porque nunca se sintió propio.

I saw l i g h t n i n g.

sometimes..

"All the trees and the dead leaves, it must be falling in love with you"

"MY DREAMS WERE BELIEVABLE AS A LANDSCAPE BY DALI, SO REAL THAT I WOULD WAKE WITH A SUDDEN SHOCK, A BREATHLESS SENSE OF HAVING TUMBLED LIKE ICARUS FROM THE SKY AND CAUGHT MYSELF ON THE SOFT BED JUST IN TIME"

"And I miss you, I'm going back home to the west coast."

H:Anaïs, I don’t know how to tell you what I feel. I live in perpetual expectancy. You come and the time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late. You numb me. This is a little drunken, Anaïs. I am saying to myself, “Here is the first woman with whom I can be absolutely sincere.” I remember your saying—”You could fool me, I wouldn’t know it.” When I walk along the boulevards and think of that. I can’t fool you—and yet I would like to. I mean that I can never be absolutely loyal—it’s not in me. I love women, or life, too much—which it is, I don’t know. But laugh, Anaïs, I love to hear you laugh. You are the only woman who has a sense of gaiety, a wise tolerance—no more, you seem to urge me to betray you. I love you for that. I don’t know what to expect of you, but it is something in the way of a miracle. I am going to demand everything of you—even the impossible, because you encourage it. You are really strong. I even like your deceit, your treachery. It seems aristocratic to me.

A: During the nuit blanche I think: Henry, my love, I can love you better now that you cannot hurt me. I can love you more gaily. More loosely. I can endure space and distance and betrayals. Only the best, the best and the strongest. Henry, my love, the wanderer, the artist, the faithless one who has loved me so well. Believe me, nothing has changed in me toward you except my courage. I cannot walk with one love ever. My head is strong, my head, but to walk, to walk into love I need miracles, the miracles of excess, and white heat, and two-ness! Lie here, breathing into my hair, over my neck. No hurt will come from me. No criticalness, no judgment. I bear you in my womb. 

B A B E.

Everyone's leaving, everyone's drifting away and there's nothing I can do.

"If freckles don't mean anything, does anything mean anything?"

"I'm a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy"

Seguido me siento vacía. Transparente y sin sentido.

Quisiera arreglarlo pero sé que no se puede, es algo que viene conmigo, arrastrándose desde siempre.